Golden Year Girl: Time: My Enemy and My Friend

By Rachel Bogardus

 

Time (noun ‘tīm ): the measured or measurable period during which an action, process, or condition exists or continues; a nonspatial continuum that is measured in terms of events which succeed one another from past through present to future. –Merriam Webster.

My friend and I were out for drinks on St Patrick’s day, and I’m not sure if it started with a discussion about daylight savings, the passing of Stephen Hawking, or what, but we both expressed how we grapple with the concept of time; whether it’s not having enough time, not utilizing our time efficiently, or having poor timing, it’s easy to focus on the negative aspects that time brings forth to our lives.

Time- Such a small word, yet holds such significance. We’ve heard of how one cosmic event was the start of time as we know it, but we are not as sure as to when time will end, making its measurements infinite. As individuals, however, we only get to experience a finite amount of time and since we never truly know when our time will end, it becomes easy to fall into the strange paradox of taking for granted the priceless moments we are given.

Time for functionality purposes is great. Time gives me a sense of structure, stability, and points of reference to big life events; it gives me a sense of control. However, I can’t help but feel controlled by time. I try to live my life with happiness and light and as optimistically as possible, but sometimes time feels like the ticking crocodile from Peter Pan- trailing me, while I make my every move.

Sometimes it’s difficult to not live in the past or to be wishing for things to be the way they once were. On the contrary, it’s also difficult not letting a moment in time define who I am moving forward- something I said, something I did, a mistake I once made.

Sometimes it’s hard being present. There’s the classic rat-race of always chasing the future, but missing out on my surroundings along the way. In certain ways I contradict myself, by consistently borrowing time from tomorrow, to live the chaotic life I’ve been “content” with because doing things differently can be uncomfortable and tiring. It’s easy to think I have all the time in the world and to put things off when I have no idea of when time’s privilege will be taken away from me.

The concept of time is intricately woven into many aspects of our lives- the decisions we make and the consequences we face. The people we meet, the places we go, the experiences we have. I know the knowledge that astrologers, philosophers, and physicists have on the matter are many steps ahead of my comprehension, yet I can’t help but think that even the most significant scholars have only scratched the surface on the meaning of time. Ultimately, this brings up the question of God: considering time is a powerful force in our lives that we cannot control, how can there not be a higher power witnessing our destinies unfold?

I guess time is another aspect of my life where I need to accept and let go. Accept that I cannot control the future, but I can control my perceptions of past experiences and rationally apply them to my outlook on life in the present and moving forward. I just need to simply let go of the anxieties and fears of the unknown and go with the flow, because when I do I am the happiest, truest form of myself.

By taking a few moments to truly appreciate the concept of time, it has allowed me to get out of my head a little bit, and to just enjoy life as is. I am fortunate to be consciously aware of my definition of quality time versus wasted time. Quality time is doing things that I love and that feels authentic. Quality time is being with people that lift me up and bring out the best in me. Support me. Wasted time is holding myself back from doing what I find most fulfilling. It’s procrastinating. It’s putting myself in situations that do not serve me. The more I take into consideration how valuable my time is, the easier it is for me to make decisions that improve me. Make me the best version of Rachel yet. And for that I am grateful.

Lastly, the more research I did on time the more it gave me a sense of peace and enlightenment. Time is just an illusion, and we choose how we want to perceive it. Since time is just an illusion, I can have a different perception of reality than you, but that doesn’t mean that my reality nor yours is any less real. By realizing that my truth isn’t the same for everyone, it has allowed me to surrender to my reality, to not worry about being right, and to honor what is- for what is, is what’s meant to be.

Sláinte, Mr. Sandman. Sláinte.

 

“But isn’t mortality what makes us truly human?” -Stephen Hawking