Our Mother, Pat Scott Holland Dean

As told by Melissa Holland to Marjorie Olds

My mom, Pat Scott Holland Dean, dealt with some difficulties while growing up in Ithaca. She had many health issues from the time she was born. One thing my sisters and I always knew was that our mother was strong. Not the “lift a car” or even a jug of water strong. Her arthritis always made that hard; but strength that kept her going and accomplished things she wanted to do in life kind of strong. 

One thing most people did not know– Mom was painfully shy as a child. She said that changed when my Dad (Jerry Holland) entered local politics and she had kids. Her determined will, and setting an example for her girls, seemed to be something that drove Mommy.

Mom had my sister Terri while she was still in high school. Mom said my grandparents told her any decisions regarding the baby were up to her. No matter what she decided to do, my grandparents would support her decision. Mom said she felt strength from their message, that she did not have to marry or give my sister up for adoption, if that was her choice. She said she knew she wanted to keep her baby and finish high school. She nicknamed Terri “Sunshine” when she was born.

After she had Terri in October 1959, Mom went back to continue high school. The Administration told her that unwed mothers had to finish in night school to get their diploma. My mother told them she was not going to night school; she wanted to finish with her classmates. When the Administration realized she was not going away, they made a deal. She could come back to school, but Mom could not talk about the baby. Mom took the deal. She said she never brought up conversation about my sister, but if kids asked, she answered questions, because she did not want to be rude.

Mom applied to nursing school after high school, but they did not accept students with children. She did not become a nurse, but she became a caregiver to many family members and friends. Mom went to doctor and lawyer appointments with family and friends that asked her. She would read over paperwork and materials to know which questions to ask, so her loved ones were not confused during the meetings. Many times, she was asked where she went to law school or got her medical degree by professionals. She would proudly tell them she got her high school diploma from Ithaca High in 1961, and then just “lived life”.

Mom almost died when she had my sister, Sharon, in 1965. The nurses asked my Dad if they should save Mom or the baby. Luckily, both survived. Doctors told her to never have another child. My mom had plans for more children, so she had me in 1969. She said, “They just had to monitor me closely.” Mom had a hysterectomy at 30, and navigated through early menopause during the 1970’s, when people did not discuss these things. My mom did discuss them. She always wanted people to know and not be scared. She fulfilled the need for more “children” by taking in young adults that were away from their families. Mom earned the nickname “Momma Dean” from these friends, turned family.

My mom survived bouts of pneumonia, sepsis, even a dislocated jaw when she tried one time to peacefully break up a fight. Even with deteriorating discs, she would pull over the car, if someone had an accident, to make sure the person was all right. Her ability to recover was tested when my stepfather died. I had never seen her so lost. She shared her feelings and made sure she was near family and friends. Caring for others seemed to help her work through her grief.

When Mom had her stroke in 2006, we thought it was just another hiccup in her health battle. She was in rehab and frustrated that she could not walk better or talk. Six month later, the doctor explained that mom had survived what should have killed her. The rare survivors of her level of stroke remained in a coma their remaining days. My mom never lost consciousness or stopped talking during the stroke and remembered everything. Mommy suffered global aphasia and paralysis on her entire right side. Kind of a good thing she was left-handed. My mom lived 14 years after the stroke happened. Mom could still program the DVD player and put on her support hose by herself.

Memories of my Mom are her singing an aria, then doing a rap verse, then sing a country classic tune. She read historical biographies and romantic mysteries. She would watch procedural police shows, PBS dramas, home decorating shows, SpongeBob Square Pants, football (Go RAIDERS!). She had long conversations with seniors and undergraduates. Mom fought to get people in Ithaca to remember the contributions her ex-husband, Jerry Holland, made. She was loyal to her friends. If she declared someone part of her family, they were family for life. Mom deeply loved her family.

The 5’, 3 ¼” inch package of Pat Scott Holland Dean was a fighter. She passed that kind of strength on to me and my sisters. It would have been cool if she could have lifted a car, but this kind of strength keeps us going.